This would probably be a good point to talk about the word submission and what it means. In military terms, to submit is to put yourself under the command of your superior officer. A private will do what his commander in the battle wants him to do, as battles are won with teamwork, and doing your own thing can get you and your whole platoon killed. In our daily lives, we submit to our superiors: bosses, coaches, traffic cops, even in checkout queues, because doing so brings order, and order is the cornerstone of civilization.
But, how does this work in
marriage? Does this imply a hierarchy
within marriage, with the man as the leader?
And, if so, can a woman trust the man to be the “superior officer”? Lack of understanding in the meaning and
nature of submission within a marriage has caused enmity between man and woman
and has reaped untold heartache through the ages.
Paul addresses the idea of submission as well as the nature of submission between married
couples in the context of the Ephesian church.
The key to his explanation is in understanding what he means by
submission. The best definition I’ve heard for submission in the context of
Ephesians is “to come up from underneath to support”. With this meaning, it
becomes easier to understand that submission is not the giving away of liberty
or power, but rather something that naturally happens when you love someone.
Indeed, if we go just a bit further in Ephesians 5, starting at verse 25, we
read that the man must love his wife just as Jesus loves His church. Ladies, if you think you got the raw deal by
being told to submit, the man got the far harder job: look at what Jesus did to
show He loves His church!
If a man loves his wife as he
should, then the wife need not fear that submission will lead to her degradation
or having to do something that is not in line with the will of God, for Jesus
would not love His church in this way.
So, if submission means loving
your husband/wife as you love yourself, then why did God make the distinction
(woman: submit, man: love)? It has to do with the different natures and
motivations of men and women. As He pronounces the curse on Adam and Eve for
the disobedience of eating the forbidden fruit, God defines the post-fall characteristics
of man and woman in Genesis 3:16 “To the
woman he said "…Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule
over you."” In Ephesians 5:33,
Paul further explains this, when, in speaking
to the man, he says: “However, let each one of you love his wife
as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Btw: this
distinction provides yet another scripture that defends marriage as being
between a woman and a man.
Man’s basic need from woman is
respect (to rule over). The woman submitting to the man fulfills this need. Likewise, a woman wants to know she is loved
(her desire for her husband), and man’s love for her fulfills this. Both get
what they need by submitting one to the other, in the context of love.
Within the beauty of this
formula is the secret principle that can heal any broken marriage. All you need is for one to play the part
ordained by God, and the nature of the other will draw them in. When a man
feels respected, he is drawn into love for the woman, and when the woman feels
loved, her respect for the man naturally flows.
But, if you are looking for someone to start the process, remember that
Jesus first loved the church: “God shows his love for us in that while we
were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). The man is given
Jesus’s part in the equation, and the leadership role, for a reason.
This plan for marriages puts
the focus on each of us to play our roles, and not worry about the other
playing theirs. This negates the “blame game”; within this plan, there are no
“irreconcilable differences”. We take our eyes off what the other one is doing
and put them on Jesus, and following Him.
Obedience to God brings
marital harmony. And it all starts with
submission: one to another, and both to God.
No comments:
Post a Comment