Doubt

Toward the end of the gospel of Matthew, there is this verse that really hit me today.  It's Matthew 28:17, and it reads:

"When they saw Him, they worshiped Him, but some doubted"

This verse occurs after almost all of the story of Jesus: His miraculous birth that fulfills over 300 Old Testament prophesies, His many miracles, the testimonies of the centurion with the sick servant, the paralytic on the bed, the ruler, the woman with the haemmorrhage, numerous blind men, His disciples, Mary Magdalen, Lazarus, Zacchaeus, and many others.  It follows the story of His triumphant entry into Jerusalem, and his crucifixion there less than a week later.  And, it follows the earth-shaking news of His resurrection.  I cannot fathom someone being with Jesus for three years, hearing Him speak, seeing His miracles, seeing the unjustness and brutality of His death and then seeing Him alive again, doubting. 

Today, we read all of this, as we have it at our disposal in print, in every language, on the internet and even as apps on our smartphones.  Yet, all of this exposure seems to desensitise us to the wonder of the story.  Probably more accurately, if you don't doubt, but believe, there are demands on your life because of that belief.  Some people find the fruits of belief to be liberating and obeying Jesus's commands to love God and to love one another as He loves us as natural.  But, a lot of others find any change from their life, however liberating, to be unthinkable. 

I don't think it's really about doubt.  If you have read or heard the scriptures, and the Holy Spirit has opened your eyes and heart to the good news that is there, there really is no going back.  But, going forward is hard and takes commitment, and that's where the wheels get bogged in the sand.  Instead of praying for the strength to go forward, we admire our glimpses in the rear-view mirror, much as the children of Israel looked back and missed the onions and garlic of Egypt... forgetting the slavery.

Doubt is the mortal enemy of belief.  I know I deal with doubt, but not real doubt, the doubt that makes my sinful life convenient.  That kind of doubt is really shackles around your hands, and Jesus died to break you free of that.

Don't doubt, just believe.  And live like you believe. I will try, and I will ask Him to help me.  I can't be a Titus 2 man unless I do.